Dear Grandmother,
While I know that your eyes cannot see this, nor the words comprehensible, I wanted to write a letter to you today.
Did you know that you have seen 92 summers come and go? Do you know that you now have three great great grandsons? I still have the picture of our five-generational family photo taken a few short years ago when your oldest son, my dad, was still alive.
Remember? The photographer sat you in the center of the picture holding Connor, your first great great grandson. Sadly, you had already buried two husbands and one son, and would soon bury another son before finally retreating away to a place where life’s events matter little. It is odd, too, to see myself as a grandmother - a feeling I haven't quite come to terms with.
The decision to place you in an “Old Folks Home” was not an easy one for your daughter, but there was no one left at home to care for you. I hope you understand. My visits are few and short-stayed, but my thoughts of you are daily. Soft, furry stuffed animals keep you company in my stead, ever faithfully by your side. They give me reproachful looks when I enter your room on those occasional days, and I hear their whispers about duty and granddaughters who forget.
Did you know that I wear your wedding ring now? Your hands grew too gnarled, and the nurses said you shouldn't wear it any longer. The simple white gold band with the two rows of tiny diamonds is out of style and scratched with years of wear. It will be passed down to one of your great granddaughters, who will in their turn, love the memory it holds of you.
If I could have one wish for you, it would not be the selfish one. Not a wish to bring you back to this present time for me, but a hope that you live now within good memories.
Remember how you loved the warm gulf waters, when we spent a week in Galveston floating on bright orange rubber rafts, catching the waves together? We laughed and giggled and grew very amazed and a little scared when our return to the sandy beach found us miles from the rest of the family and the car. This was a revelation for me; suddenly I could see beyond the years of the grandmotherly matron I knew. That day in the sparkling surf, I played with the young girl you once were. She was fun, adventurous and full of mischief. No stern lectures about how the sun will ruin your skin, no crabby face at the suggestion of bare feet, instead you threw off the dusty mantle of age and danced with Poseidon that day.
Since that summer day long ago, I could always find the Wave Dancer Girl if I looked carefully enough. I grew to appreciate your humor and your tenacity to enjoy life in the face of some pretty rough obstacles. Now forever gripped in the twilight world of Alzheimer’s, I hope that you find yourself on that warm beach every day, feeling the spray of salt water on your face, your hand in mine as we ready ourselves to catch the next “big one” on our rafts. The sun is shining, and we have all the day to play, Grandmother.
All my love,
Your first grandchild, your first granddaughter
Who Is Cowtown Pattie?
- Cowtown Pattie
- I was Lillie Langtry in another life, and might have a crush on Calamity Jane.
7 comments:
This is lovely, honoring a life that is only aware of things for a second, choosing to live in the happy hours of past times that can now live for days.
I too wear a wedding band of an Alzheimers patient, my mother, who died two years ago. All her good times now are worn wrapped up on my finger.
Thank you for sharing, and for putting it so eloquently.
Susan @ Spinning
Very sweet and meaningful. Thanks for that.
You touched my heart. My dad also just turned 92 and has Alzheimers. He too is in a facility, and putting him there required much prayer. I often still feel guilty about it. Your words were beautiful! Thank you.
That was beautiful! It made my eyes well up...
Words fail me. Beautiful, sweet post.
Sometimes a simple possession, a touchstone, helps focus those bright, clear, precious memories. My daughter wears a ring that belonged to my mother, and it's almost as if it can speak.
May your grandmother be living within those happy memories, as you wish her to be. I'm sure you are an important part of those memories.
I have read your post four times so far and will print it so I can be sure to have it handy. What a beautiful letter to your grandmother, every part of it was so meaningful, especially when you wrote about seeing her as a young girl who was fun, adventurous and full of mischief.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Millie
What a lovely letter. I have fond memories of my very ladylike, southern grandmother letting her mischievous side out with me and my sister in a way that she didn't when my mother was around. Now I see some of that spark in my mother with her grandsons.
I wear my great-grandmother's very old-fashioned star sapphire ring, which I love.
Post a Comment