Tuesday, September 29, 2009

A Guide To Life - Texas Style

I profess to being envious of those mental giants of blog who seem so Einsteinian, and keep me on my toes. Gentle readers of TT, you may notice that I ramble on and alternate between silly and serious. At the risk of becoming a sappy Lone Star Pundit, I love Texas humor and offer the following guide ( I didn't originate these little jewels, but they still hold good advice). Serious Pattie might be back this weekend... stay tuned Kiddie Troupers:


1. Don't squat with your spurs on.

2. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

3. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in.

4. If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.

5. If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

6. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him...........The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

7. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

8. There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works.

9. If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

10. Never slap a man who's chewin' tobacco.

11. It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.

12. Always drink upstream from the herd.

13. When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be surprised if they learn their lesson.

14. When you're throwin' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else.

15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.

16. There are three kinds of men: The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. And the rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.


Joared said...

These are hilarious! You Texans sure to have a lot of - - knowledge!

Darlene said...

I love your Texas humor; especially the last one. Only in Texas. ;-)

Are those your cute grandchildren? I'll bet your as proud as a peacock.